# 3

For a long time I wondered if I would ever write this post... really ever since Creighton was born.  I pictured writing it as times, but often thought I never would.  There has never been a decision in my life, in Chad and I's married life, that has been so debated, so mulled over, prayed over, surrounded by so much indecision.  Why was it so complicated and so hard?  Maybe because we're both analytical, or we both like things calm and simple.  Because we had gotten in the groove of having just two boys and it was starting to feel "easy?"  Because I like to work and it seems hard to have three kids and keep working part-time?  Because we have two healthy boys and what if the third isn't so healthy?  Whatever the reasons, at the end of the day, I kept being convicted that they were selfish and driven by fear.  Yes, it's ok to only have two kids, many families do.  But for some reason we kept praying and discussing and could never really say,  "Ok, we're done, done.  Two boys is all that's in it for us."

So here we are today.  #3 is on the way.  Due to the practical nature of the decision and the fact that we didn't "always know that we wanted three kids and we're just so thankful for another one," I started off pretty neutral about the news and still struggle with being excited.  Just the other day I had another bought of "what are we doing?  I can't even handle two kids, how am I going to be able to mother three?  Why are we adding this stress to our lives?  Aren't we into the groove of two kids and it fits us so well?"

But that's just the thing.. it can be so easy to think of the negatives... how my life is going to change and be so much harder and how what little independence I had is going to be gone forever (or so it seems).   I know I can be irrational and that there are going to be so many blessings and joys that will come from this child that I can't feel or picture yet, because they aren't here.  I only know what life is like now, but it's impossible to fully understand the future until it's here and reality.

And I say that we wavered on the decision and make it sound like we were unsure, but at the end of the day, we really did have peace and confidence in our decision... that it was where God was leading us even if we didn't fully understand or it seemed hard, or we weren't even sure we wanted to go there.  There has never been anything in my life that I've chosen to do (by God's leading) that felt so hard and unknown.  It has felt so backwards for me to choose something that (in my mind) is going to be much harder than my current stage.

But Ephesians 4:20 kept coming back to me:
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us"

...And I wanted to be able to say that we gave God the opportunity to do far more abundantly with our lives than we could ask or think.  So we chose to surrender.  We chose to say yes.  And God chose to bless us with a pregnancy (very quickly) that will hopefully end with a healthy baby.  I know that God has plans for us that will be far greater than I can hope or imagine, I just have to trust in the process and not let my limited knowledge lead to doubt.  To not let the fear of the unknown overrule the peace of Christ in my heart.  Obedience requires faith and I can find joy in knowing that God has a plan and will equip me for life with three littles.

we'll miss you

we'll miss your charming smile
and your pockets full of love
we'll miss how you tease Sheli
your steadfastness in your Father above

we'll miss your confident demeanor
your endless stories and advice
we'll miss your generous spirit
your relationships went beyond just being nice

we'll miss the future memories
with the boys you'll fail to make
we're sad you won't meet the baby
their little hand you'll never shake

I'll miss you asking about my day
when I come to pick up the boys
how you cared about those little guys
were even patient enough to fix their toys

we'll do our best to carry on your legacy
so our memory of you never dies
to share love abundantly as you did to others
as our time on earth here flies

you were patient, humble, kind and joyful
too many positive characteristics to name
that's why we chose to name our son after you
our precious Creighton James

we love you Jim.

Both of these pictures were taken at the Traders Point Loft restaurant, one of our favorite places to eat out with Jim and Sheli, and was actually the last place we ate out with them to celebrate Beckham's 6th birthday.  Lots of good memories made there...

this and that

So this is what happens when you don't take time to blog for a long time... lots of randomness.  Here's some tidbits about our summer and what the boys are up to lately...

meeting friends at Mulberry Fields park - they love the stream there

All Comers family track meets in Zionsville... despite Beck's face, mom got into it way more than the kids did :)

the zoo brings out the crazies

lots of dune buggy riding 

and lots of bug bites this summer!  both of the boys (and myself) get bites so easy and C swells up to spider bites and Beck swells up to some mosquito bites

summer is for smores!

and donuts!  sharing a nutella filled one from the Zionsville farmers market

family hike at Eagle Creek park.. Beckham was our guide. :) definitely need to go there more with how close it is to our house - great spot!

pool time and mismatching flip flops (C's thing for a while this summer)

love these moments.

just like daddy... and Scott (who mows aunt Sheli's yard and wears headphones)

first time at the dentist for C and he was awesome!  Beck was terrified and cried his first time and C was the opposite... which is kind of what I expected.  He tends to embrace new things head on and Beck is much more tentative.

a bowl full of summer!  mom's tomato/cucumber salad made with garden fresh veggies is a must in the summer.  never get sick of it.

first day of school!  big stuff! (literally... Beck's outfit is a size 7 :))

walk before dinner in downtown Zville

loves helping water the flowers

enjoying one-on-one time with C now that Beck's in school.  the Lego exhibit at the zoo was their favorite this summer

flag football this fall for Beck!  not sure it will be a repeat activity (due to skill level :)), but he seems to be having fun and loves making new friends and being part of the team.  All he really wants to do is tackle, so wrestling with dad is the preferred kind of football!

Beckham:
- says he likes everything about school and doesn't complain about any of it (except being woke up in the morning for it :)), but usually says "I don't know" when asked what he's learning
- told me the other day that "big or small, I'll always be your boy"... still my little sweetie!
- doesn't want to ride his bike without training wheels
- wants to have friends over and play with the neighbor boys the minute he gets home from school
- keeps me in check and tells me not to drive too fast, or say bad words (like "shoot!" or "stupid"),  or reminds me of things I said I would do
- wants to have another baby so we can "get a car where the doors slide back"
- likes to tell jokes... most of which do not make sense



Creighton:
- likes to say "of course I do/will, why do you ask?" about everything... when if he wants to go somewhere, or eat something or play something.
- was begging the other night to ride his bike without training wheels, but decided it was overrated when he couldn't do it right away and wants the training wheels back on
- still wants me to cuddle with him in bed almost every night as he falls asleep
- is known to be found naked in the morning, after going to the bathroom in the middle of the night and not putting his pants back on... but I'm just glad he didn't wake me up to put them back on, b/c that's usually what happens
- wants to be "dropped off" at Sheli's house ever since Beck started school.  he'll say "mom, when we get to Sheli's house, just drop me off and Don't Go Inside!"... he even tries to close the front door on me so I won't come in.
- is a complete goof ball that talks a bunch of nonsense, and is either completely grumpy or completely fun and sweet... not too much middle ground with him

the time I cancelled a flight

So I just posted about our last month of traveling.  Turns out the trip to France didn't quite start out as expected...

We were scheduled to fly from Chicago to London on Friday, May 20th.  Let's just do a little timeline:

6:15p - departure time
7:15p - delayed departure time.  board the plane but after we left the gate we were informed that there was an indicator light on that needed to be resolved before we could leave, so we returned to our gate.  it sounded like it would be a quick fix.
11p - after the flight attendants saying we should be leaving in around 30 minutes about 5 times, our plane was good to go and we started to taxi to the runway again.  my stomach starts to feel a little weird.
[thoughts]  Am I getting sick?  My stomach is feeling off.  I knew we shouldn't have eaten airport Chinese!  Man, sure hope I'm not b/c this is a seven hour flight and I really do not want to be sick!  Maybe some digize will help... used that.  Still feeling weird, I think.  Just don't think about it and it will go away.  Should I tell Chad?  Oh it will probably go away.  Ok, starting to get hot and sweaty.  This is weird.  Kind of light headed and I think I really might throw up.  Time to tell Chad (who had been talking to Seth and hadn't noticed).  
Chad takes one look at me and tells me to go to the bathroom!  I go towards the back of the plane while the flight attendant is furiously shooing me back to my seat, as we were about to take off.

I fumble for the bathroom door and tell the flight attendant I feel sick while I'm starting to feel really light-headed.  I feel super weak and sit down.  The attendants rush towards me, help me up and ask if I'm ok... I fall down again and pass out for a little bit (I think... it's a bit fuzzy but Chad said I did).  I just remember feeling really weak and really wanting to lay down.

By this time they're calling for the paramedic and asking me all sorts of questions and giving me oxygen.  Chad realizes that it's me with the problem and comes to the back of the plane.  During all of this I remember just thinking it was all so weird.  Was it really happening?  This kind of stuff never happens to me!

They turned the plan around and went back to the gate.  On the way back a nurse on board kept taking my vitals and asking me questions.  By this time I was feeling pretty ok again, just really cold and shaking.

They took me off the plane in a wheel chair while Chad endured the glares of the annoyed passengers, due to the fact that the plane STILL was not on the way to London at 11:30pm.  I was taken to an ambulance to do another round of vitals and an EKG.  Everything checked out fine.

The guess was that I got dehydrated from sitting in the airplane so long while it was being fixed and needed some food.  Still seemed a little odd that I would have such a strong reaction to that.  The paramedics asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, but we decided not to, since I seemed ok.

So, the part about the flight being cancelled.... since we had waited so long to take off, the crew had to change (something about a 4 hour limit) before we could take off again.  Since it was so late at night they had to cancel the flight.  Yea, felt really bad about that.  Everyone had to make new travels plans to London.  We all blamed United. :)  I had to trust that there was some reason it all happened and I was just thankful that the plane hadn't taken off before I got sick.

We had to stay in Chicago overnight and lost a day of vacation... but it all worked out.  I did end up throwing up in the trash can in the airport while waiting for new travel plans to be made.  The next day I just felt achy and had chills.

A few days later when we were in France, I got an email from work stating that a bunch of people got sick on Fri/Sat after a lunch meeting that we had and the Marriott on Thursday ... and I had my answer as to why I got sick.  Although after having gone back to work now and talking to others about it, it's kind of a mystery why 50+ people got sick b/c they inspected the food and it checkout fine??  I also learned that I had it "easy" as some people were throwing up all night and sick for days. Mine just turned out to be really bad (or was it good?) timing.

a month of travels

The last month has been full, full, full of traveling.  From April 21st to May 30th we were home for 16 days (to be exact)... I just counted.

It all started with a trip to Hilton Head that we planned some time during February or March when I was working extra tax hours and we decided that a family get-away was just what we needed post busy season.  My aunt and uncle have a vacation home there, making it an easy and affordable trip to plan.  And it was the first time just the four of us went somewhere together... the boys are finally at a good age where it sounds fun.  And it was fun... started with C being sick with a high fever and diagnosed ear infection, but there's no place like the beach to heal, right?!  Beckham golfed his way through the trip and C was finally in better spirits the last couple days.

Then in late March Chad's parents invited us on a last minute trip to France at the end of May, which we decided we couldn't pass up.  However, the trip to France was over Memorial Day weekend, during which we already had a trip to Arizona planned to visit Seth and Brandy... so we moved the AZ trip up a couple weeks and went before France.

Traveling is fun and each trip was special for its own reasons, but it is oh, so good to be home!  (until we go on a friends trip to California in July :)).  Lets just say I won't be bit with the travel bug for a while after this summer!

Hilton Head feels like it happened too long ago to talk about and France is too overwhelming and needs its own post, so here's a little of our trip to AZ:


This is the first year that the kids were "easy" according to me and B... which means they were all talking, older than 3 and [almost] all out of diapers (way to hold out Creighton!  haha).  Which means that the kids all played together much better this year and we could have a little more adult time.  Love that every trip to AZ is different and fun in its own way!

On the flight on the way to AZ.  I love this picture so much b/c it shows the boys personalities... Beckham gets on the plane and instantly buckles his seat belt and starts studying the emergency manual (although when I told he would need to tell me what to do in the case of an emergency he replied "mom, I have no idea about those things." :)) and Creighton is climbing all over me (see the flailing arm!), messing with the tray, and is far from buckled in his seat.  I believe he was standing up during takeoff and landing.  Southwest stewardesses are the nicest.

Our first family hike!  Beckham was complaining about it before we left, thinking that hiking wasn't really his thing.  It wasn't long into the hike before he changed his mind and made the following comments:  "I was born to hike!  Hiking is my life right now.  Yea."  Who says that?!  He was even giving me "tips" on when to slow down and when I could jump off the rocks.  Needless to say, he didn't want the hike to end. :)

just love the sweetness of this pic.

at the train park - super fun little place for the kiddos

the kids riding in the train car by themselves... they were locked in during the ride!

hiking with B and being very unsuccessful at a selfie shot that included the mountain

a nice lady noticed me struggling to get a pic and offered to help :)

and then he was three

Creighton turned three this week and to document his age, I asked him some questions (which I stole the idea from some friends who've done it, but I think it's a super fun way to remember their personality and preferences).


How old are you?  Five  (which was also his answer when he was two :))
What is your favorite food?  French fries
What is your favorite show?  Funny guys  (aka minions, originating from Despicable Me)
What do you like most about Beckham?  How about trucks?  [there was a long silence after I asked this question, to which Beck prompted him... C, what do you like about me?!]
What is your favorite color?  Orange
What do you like to talk about?  Big semis
What is your favorite book?  Clifford and "Little Blue Truck Leads the Way"
What is your favorite toy?  Big trucks
Favorite song?  "Fix my eyes"
Why do we celebrate Easter?  Cause. Do you remember? no
Where does daddy work?  Catemillar
What's your favorite animal?  Sharks... and giraffes
Who do you love the most?  Pick-ups What about people?  Driving people
Do you like to go slow or fast?  Fast
What do you like to play outside?  Trucks & mow
Who's house do you like to go to?  Aubrey & Ainsley's
What else do you want to tell me about?  Tooting


And that sums it up.  He thinks he's older than he is, trucks is the favored response, and you can never forget to talk about poop and toots.  Happy third birthday Creighton James... you are a challenging delight of a little boy!

back when there was warmth

Now that I'm officially cold all the time and kind of shiver even when I'm inside and feel like I should be wearing gloves right now as I type and 68 degrees in this house is just not warm enough.... it's time to remember those days when it's sunny and warm outside and hope they come back sooner rather than later.  Especially for my lazy boys who are way too into their shows and games these days.  Technology is the best and worst at the same time.

Warmth, I miss you.  Little boys with no clothes and hoses and dirt and walks after dinner, I miss you.  Here's to nice days, when we can be outside as long as we want.  I'll be here waiting when you return.